it has been for awhile that i have not posted anything..update nothing..well..life is at its best..hahahaha..i guess..and today 12 Ramadhan, my heart suddenly feels like updating something..
ehmmm..clueless..no idea on what thing that i should update..my life? my career? my family? or my friends? just because i had nothing in my mind, so i did blog walking on my friends' blogs..well, i heard so much happy news, so much joys, and i could see they are doing fine, extremely enjoying their life to the fullest..and somehow, i start to think, muhassabah my own self, so-called me, myself and i..there is something that i have not accomplished..
it is about 'life-long companion' or so called 'the other half'...
i am not lonely, no...a BIG NO..i am doing fine, even deep down of my heart, i think i am living in denial..hahahhaa..*cryingggg* arghhhh..who asked you to see and compare your life to theirs? bila mana Allah mengaturkan jalan kehidupan seseorang, setiap satu nya berbeza kerana Allah lebih tahu apa yg terbaik untuk diri mu..but still, i can feel the 'hole'..broken..broken..broken..bukan tidak bersyukur, i am truly thankful for what i have in my life now..i have my own career, di saat kawan-kawan sebaya sekampung masih struggle to have jobs, i have been paid monthly..i pay my Honda Jazz using my own money, i see pride in my parents' eyes, i have siblings who always accept me, be there for my ups and downs, and i have friends who would love to gather and lepak, who would call me once awhile, who would care for me as much as my family does..arghhhh..i have so many things to be thankful..yet, why did i feel i am not completed? am i so greedy?
then..while asking myself these and that, the broken feeling with my tears rolling down, and my heart is so aching, (so melodrama), i come across this few sentences from my friend's blog..(boleh jadi Allah hantarkan penulisan dia untuk give me sedikit jentikan);...
how come one life can be so perfect at one point of time? apparently, i cant have it all. akan ada perkara yang Allah tangguhkan dapatannya supaya kita merasa perlu kepadaNya. kekurangan itu yang selalu mendidik rasa kehambaan..
i might not have found my 'other half' yet, but Allah has blessed me with such a perfect happy family that always complete me. i may not have my 'life-long companion' yet, but i have beautiful girlfriends who always stand by me through my thick and thin. i may not yet feel loved by that one particular person, but, alhamdulillah, i always feel loved by those around me. the time shall come sooner or later, insya-Allah. just have faith in Allah. let Him decides for His timing is always right.
seee..rasa nak tampar-tampar je diri..ya ALLAH..forgive me..forgive me for having that doubts..i trust you and i have faith in your decision..this is the best for me, and i would live my life to the fullest too..in sha ALLAH..
